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Blah blah blah

I'm in the market for new friends.
I'm not picky. All I’m looking for is someone who knows how to have a great time and most importantly, someone who can afford to take me out to dinner. I don’t mean an extravagant upmarket restaurant with a different wine and fork and knife for every food group, just a regular steak and chips supper washed down with a can of coke. I'm sick and tired of hanging around with a bunch of broke-ass douche bags just cluttering up the surface of the earth.

This weekend a new friend of mine (oozing potential for being more than just friends) invited me over to her town about 3 hrs drive away. After early evening pre-drinks, her friends and I hit the clubs to let loose on the dance floor. After about 10 mins I noticed everyone was still lounging around like a bunch of old ladies so I got a drink order from everyone to get the damn party started already. I must be suffering from a major culture gap because I was under the impression that we were going to 'go Dutch' and split the bill six ways. However, unbeknownst to me, in these parts of the world it seems the asker assumes responsibility for the drinks because when it was time to pay everyone just sorta stared at me with this blank look that left me no doubt that I was being ditched with the whole bill. Four able-bodied guys in the mix and the out-of-town girl is left to deal with the results of their debauchery. It seems to me chivalry is lost and the world has gone to hell since the emancipation of women. At the very least a warning would have been nice. Good thing I had a wad of cash or we'd have been bussing tables for the rest of the evening.

So that’s why I'm looking for new friends. I'm ridding myself of leeching freeloaders and raising my standards. At the risk of sounding shallow (which is probably justified): on your application just write your name, your poison and your net worth. Hell, don’t even bother with formalities like your name. With the fun we'll be having I'll be too zoned out to remember it, so irrespective of your gender, you'll just have to answer to George.

Comments

Bent Fabric said…
That is the unspoken standard in my circle. If you take a drink order you assume responsibility.

I am in the market for new friends, also, for reasons other than the ones you listed. It is time to trim the fat, lose the extra poundage. I'll settle for stupid qualities like honesty and good old fashioned loyalty. Funny, most of my true friends like out of state.

Good luck in your search. Maybe you can kill two birds by finding a friend and a more than a just friends buddy in the same person.
7/04/2005 7:15 PM
kyknoord said…
Same scenario here. It's as annoying as all hell. Lately I've become "extremely busy" whenever I get an invitation to "go out for a drink or two".
7/05/2005 5:13 AM
Anonymous said…
That's a tough call. I think I would have believed you would have been buying that round too since you had taken all the orders. But I would have made it up to you by buying the next round.

(who am I kidding - I never buy drinks. They just magically appear in front of me from "the guy down at the end of the bar")

Kisses - Carrie
7/05/2005 5:05 PM
Lyn said…
So how do you get people to buy themselves drinks? "Dude, I command you to buy yourself a drink or else..."? But maybe i just need to hang around with alcoholics. They'll have no problem getting the party started.
7/06/2005 7:00 AM
Lyn said…
Oh, and it wasnt the round! It was the whole freaking tab of like 3/4 rounds each.
7/06/2005 7:02 AM
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