Divine Miscontent

Even if i was Out, no one seems good enough for me. Where are all the world's cool people? Where are all the funky uber awesome girlies? Is there like NO ONE out of Sydney or NY that is gay AND cool AND smart?? Is that like way too much to ask? You don't even have to be hot!! Ok, wait, i take that back...AND hot! Now, i know i'm doomed to a life of compromising and settling for second best because it seems what i want is not out there. And definitely not out here. Wait! Brainwave! What i want is ME. Ah yes. Me. If i saw me in a bar i'd be all over me in a flash. Only problem is I wouldn't know how to approach me and me would be too cool to approach I. So me and I would be flirting from afar, downing a few drinks desperately trying to get to that happy flirty mental zone. Like any other relationship we'd have our ups and downs, but because i'm so cool there will many more ups. I'm aloof, i'm independent i'm extreme, i'm funny, i'm weird, i...

ARRGGGGH!!! I JUST WANNA FUCKING SCREAM!!! FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKK! FUCK, I HATE THIS COUNTRY! I HATE MY LIFE!!! I wanna go to some island somewhere with a population of 45 where i'd be surrounded with hot baywatch chicks with brains to match the bods instead of sitting here in 30 degrees celcius day in day out, doing invoices and fucking crap while my boss jerks off next door and my dad fucking calls me everyday like i'm five years old. Fuck i hate my family, preaching about church and "you gotta have faith" ... well take your faith and shove it up your crack (erm..I still love you mom!). FUCK African tradditions like distributing your first salary and the fucking precise way it has to be done like i give a flying rats ass whether its better to buy congac or whiskey for the uncle i havent seen since i was 5. "No! You can't organise a dinner...thats not how things are done here, this is not Europe" DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING CARE??? I hate the stoopid people m...

Gosh. Yesterday i finally realised how in the closet i was and if i didnt do anything about it (like leave town, or the country, or the planet...) I'd be miserable for the rest of my life. I was having lunch old with friends (ok, not quite friends, more like really good aquaintances) from my Christian boarding high school. I was looked at with shock and disgust like i was some kind of a unredeemable sinner simbly because I didnt bow my head in prayer before diving into my plate of spaghetti. Fine. I can live with that. I can stay away from people with tiny brains and a limited scope of the world and its people. But then, we started talking about homosexuality. I thought i'd seen disgust before? These girls were like they wouldnt even want to be on the same side of the street as a gay guy or girl. Not only is it against God's Will but totally unatural and despicable and you might as well fuck a duck or bang a gang while you're at it (ok they didnt actually say ALL of tha...

So this is me quietly going about my business...actually doing REAL work for a change in my nice naturally lit office, and the guys INSIST on walking by, but not before pausing to question me about my light, or rather, lack thereof . NO. I don't need you to switch on my light....and no, its not "totally dark in there", and i'm definitely not "trying to save the company a few pennies". I like it like this and i can see perfectly well thank you very much. Besides, that thing streaming in through the windows? Well its called SUNLIGHT. No Michel, I thought we went over this yesterday... Looky here Neil, why dont you run off to your little office and brighten up your own miserable world. Dude, not you too...fuck off already! You know, I really hate the fact that its company norm to keep your door open when you're in your office. I think I'm going to have to slam it in someone's face.

I'm feeling goddamn poetic So i'll have to rant and rave Like a fucking heretic Who God could never save His Kingdom i hope i miss Coz i hate his guts anyway For making me have to kiss His lame ass everyday The difference between us Is i dont care to whom u pray As long as u dont make a fuss When i decide to keep away All i want is freedom To do all that i please Without some twofaced evangelist Forcing me to my knees This poem just plain sucks. Lets try a limmerick instead guys, you wake up every day and your church asks you to say "Jesus my lover" over and over your god must be fucking gay

Ooh ooh ooooh! Got a new expat boss today. Actually we were pretty boss-less before he came in (we are a small branch of a huge multi-national company, all Managers in our own domain) so normally, the atmosphere is quite informal. He's been here like what? Five minutes? yet the mood is already somber. We just had one of those corporate talks where the boss establishes his authority by disscussing "where we are headed" frequently interjected by words like "deliverables" and "goals" and stuff. Sheesh. What ever happened to NORMAL working environments where you get to spend the hours chatting online, blogging and wistfully checking out the weather in Thailand???

Today i brushed my teeth. Like I do every morning. Ok, just lost about half of my 0 readers right there. 0/2 = 0 so i guess i'm no worse off. Fuck my job is boring! Not like i'd go home and be more entertained. Spent last nite watching TV with my Aunt. Watching erm .... white ... no wait grey ... no ... its black! smoke errupt from the vatican. Rivetting viewing. But thank god my baby cousin's shrieking stepped right in to save the day and provide me with an alternative distraction. The cutest thing you've ever seen but boy-oh-boy does he have one hell of shriek! Ah, can't wait to go home for another thrilling evening with the family. I think I need to move out. NOW. If nothing else, at least then i'd have dibs on the TV remote.

C'mon ye mere mortals. Lets see those lips!

Give up, sin and be merry!

Here's a poem for the hell of it Its not smart or clever or full of wit Its just a reason for me to sit On my big butt for a little bit So bear with me while I ramble on Before you know it'll soon be done A few more verses just for fun Then this silly rhyming will be gone If i had a love I'd write a love letter But since I don't i'll have to think up better If i had a hate I'd curse and I'd swear But since i'm a saint i wouldnt dare So i'll write about nothing. Its what i do best Instead of working i'm taking a rest Being paid shitloads, but using up the hours Writing dumb poems and dreaming of super powers Here's to you, you blogging skank: You scum of the earth, oh how your shit stank! Erm.. I guess its time for me to stop Coz clearly my rhyming has started to flop With this last verse, there's just enough lines to say Tomorrow is a brand new day I'll be back with another pointless post Till then, i raise my glass to you in a toast

Sometimes there’s no other way to say it. There are times you find yourself in a situation that one or two choice words would have saved the day, and just as they are about to roll off your tongue you somehow manage to garner some self-restraint that would have amazed even your dead granny. Perhaps you are deeply religious and would never swear lest the Lord smite you where you stand. Perhaps you just never got into it because you didn’t grow up swearing and as you got older you only hung around clean-mouthed geeks. Perhaps you express yourself eloquently because you were brought up like royalty. Perhaps you’re just a freak. Either way, you must have said shit if not FUCK, damn if not Godammit, dear lord if not JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! And work doesn’t count coz everyone is sweeter than golden syrup at the office (except maybe the boss). I’m talking socially. Which one of these are you? He is not nice vs He is a sick bastard vs He is a fucking cokesnorting...

The pope is dead. FINALLY! Don't get me wrong, i wasn't sitting around impatiently awaiting his demise, but there was an inevitablity about the outcome of the months (years?) of his illhealth. If you watched CNN/BBC/Sky news during 48 hours leading up to his death you will understand what i'm talking about. "The pope's health is 'grave' ", "his electrocardiogram is flat", "the pope has flatlined!", "his liver and heart have failed"... then hours later "the pope's liver and heart have deteriorated" (how they deteriorated after they failed is anyone's guess). The news coverage was a second by second account of the papal hearbeat, a rumour-driven live update of every failing organ. I wish my dying moments could be witnessed by millions of people wailing at the thought of my impending doom. On second thoughts...I'll pass. A nice eulogy after the fact will do just fine... "She was an inspiration to ev...

I'm a happy camper. Generally. Except when i'm faced with homophobic, evangelical, dolt hypochrites. So, I'm pretty much here to bitch, whine, fume, vent ... and the rest of that good stuff. Here's todays rant. Question: Whats the meaning of your life since you don't believe in God? Response: Take 1. God? Utter claptrap. 'The meaning of life'??? Whats that? A code for a-pathetic-excuse-to-justify-your-hapless-and-pointless-little-existence? You 'divine' the answer to an unknowable question (ie how we came about) and then you and your bigot ilk fabricate stories that just happen to be congenial to your skewed point of view, compile some of them into a book and call it The Bible. Some other little holier-than-thou pricks dream up their own even more twisted version and call it the Qu'ran. Now, unless the whole world swallows up this codswallop and walks around like zombies spreading The Word, their life has no meaning? Puh-lease. Take 2. Well, i sa...

Experiment Objective : Translate from English to Traditional Chinese. Translate the Chinese translation back to English. All using an online translator eg worldlingo.com Requirements: A computer, at least one finger, be a pathetic loser who has no life. This is English You miserable lump of meat, I can't believe you actually translated this stuff. You my dear freak are in desperate need of a new hobby. Are you really still reading this gibberish? Frankly, i think there is no hope for you. Just go lie down on your bed and don't even bother getting up again. Ever. Hold on a minute, maybe the joke is on me because i'm the one sitting here typing out this crap? This is Chinese 您肉淒慘的團, 我無法相信您實際上翻譯了這種材料。 您我親愛的畸形人是急需一個新愛好。 您真正地是平靜讀這席亂語嗎? 坦率地, 我認為沒有對您的希望。 請去躺下在您的床上, 甚而不麻煩再起來。 曾經。 舉行在一分鐘, 可能笑話是在我因為我是那個坐這裡鍵入在這胡扯之外? This is English Your meat pitiful group, I am unable to believe you have translated this kind of material infact. Your my dear abnormal person urgently needs a new hobby. ...