Divine Miscontent

Nah, just kidding. About writing about things that piss me off I mean. There are just so many I wouldn’t know where to begin. But I wasn’t kidding about the PMS. Or the goddamn STD-looking rash. Anywayz, this is my last post. Lets just say one or two people got hold of this link and I feel that my writing has gotten severely compromised, defeating its original purpose as a forum to express my self-righteous indignation. Besides, i was begining to feel like I'm a modern day Narcissus. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I will never be a writer. But I’ll always be an avid reader, so to my fav bloggers - Bent, Carrie, Kykie - see ya’ll on your own turf. With that said, I’ll leave you all with these profound words of wisdom: Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (whatever is said in Latin sounds profound) Laterz.

My life has reached the pinnacle of boredom. Things cannot possibly get any worse. Well, that’s not entirely true. Just three days ago, I though that was it – I was living the lowest form of existence comparable to that of the common nasal snot. Then I ran out of water. So I thought ok now this must be it. Things can only go up from here. Surely. Please. Then today the power fails. This is not a joke people. I’m living by candle light and showering from water drawn out of a nearby well. All those filthy buckets being dipped into a bottomless cesspool of crap. I don’t think I properly thought things through when I decided to move back home. Really, this was not my idea of the African dream. I’ve always wanted to get in more touch with my roots and learn more about my culture. But frankly I think my patience is wearing thin. I’ll survive the mosquito bites and the lizards I chased out of my house the whole afternoon. I’ll even survive the neighbour that seems to do nothing all day but si...

In my excitement of having unrestricted Internet at home I eagerly went in search of all the x-rated content I've been so deprived of. But I would just like to take this moment to announce that as of today, I OFFICIALLY HATE PORN. It's just plain disgusting. All that...er...liquid. And all those...um..orifices. Eeewww. I cringe just thinking about that scene i just saw. Yes ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, from here on out this computer will be porn free. Thats all.

Coming to you live...ok not quite live...but coming to you nonetheless - from home! Woopie!. No more freaking office wirewall scrutinizing my every move and restricting my access. I finally got a laptop at work to surf for porn for when i travel and to chat get more work done in my free time. I also got internet at home(broadband my ass...it's lank* slow) so I will be spending less corporate hours goofing about and probably blog more often. Well, at least till I do something about the lack of a TV. I'm at home. I've got a camera. Lets use it: That's the little statuette i got over the weekend. I found myself drawn to it for some unknown reason. It was just sitting there all alone in the corner of the curio shop. So alone. I couldn't resist. I think it's cute. What's he sad about? If only i had the presence of mind to ask the guy who sold it to me. These things always have a delightful little story passed down from the creator. My camera battery just died....

It’s almost that time of the year again. That day when you get reminded of just how alone you are with the subtlety of a sledgehammer on a newborn’s soft spot. Even as you tell anyone who would listen you are fine and definitely don’t need anyone your voice seems hollow and lacks any real conviction. For some reason I have never dreaded that day like I do this year. It might have something to do with the fact that I no longer care much for the status quo. I’m finally ready to admit I yearn for something more. Something most take for granted but I’ve never experienced before – to feel loved and love unconditionally in return. I want to cast cute puppy eyes upon my loved one as s/he hands me a cheesy, oversized red and white heart-infested undergarment accompanied by a humungous heart-shaped slab of chocolate. I, in turn, will ceremoniously unveil my set of matching heart-shaped pendants engraved with our initials and a large bouquet of red roses for good measure. But I guess it won’t be...

OMG. I just freaking found out that you just need to Google my surname and voila I’m sooo outted! Where’s the darn delete button??!!! Google has no delete button! Note to self: When online, do not, I repeat, DO NOT post your REAL NAME when talking about your controversial sexuality punishable by law with up to 5 years imprisonment . Its not rocket science. Dipshit. My dad said he was looking for our family members by Googling our surname (not too hard when you are not a Smith or a Jones) and that’s how he read my essay on my agnosticism on a popular atheist/agnostic site (yes dad, sorry you had to find out this way but I really do think your God fucking sucks). I tested it out… and lo and behold right there on page two of the search results was a number of things I’d written once upon a time I would rather my daddy dearest did not cast his eyes upon lest he be blinded or worse, keel over and drop right dead. So excuse me while I go attempt to edit the Internet. PS - This article is al...

Some dude drowned infront of my very eyes on Sunday at the beach. One minute he is building sand castles infront of us, 30 mins later some guys are pulling his pale body out of the water - a little too late. Thats only the second corpse I've ever seen close up. The warmest one, thats for sure. I even danced with him at the club on Saturday night. Cute as hell too. *sigh* Life is but a fleeting glance. Or something. (Lets pretend i said something profound). Meanwhile back in the office - work pileth up. Haven't had a moments breathing space and would've even come to the office over the weekend if one of my neighbours hadnt come up with the brilliant idea of a road trip to a seaside town for the weekend. Speaking of roadtrip, we were on our way back home after the incident above (i mean nobody goes anywhere near the water for the rest of the day after such an event) when we noticed people crowding up by the river to see this little kid not a day over 12 who had apparently dro...

I'm leaving tonight on a 5 day business trip to Uganda. This will be is a quickie (mmmmmmmm quickie. Havent had one of those in yonks.) coz my flight leaves in like 3 hours and i still have shit to do before I leave and still need to pack as well and blogging was not supposed to be part of the 'shit to do'. Hope the trip is cool, coz to tell you the truth I'm getting sick & tired of hotels. Well not really, coz i'd rather go than not go. Lesser of two evils, you know? No? Yeah well i don't know what i'm talking about either. Plus its for a bi-annual meeting with the superboss (my boss' leash yanker) so i'm not looking forward to it because I would need to account for some suspect underpressure decisions I made during the past week (which by the way was the most horrible and pressure-filled week of my relatively short career) and if i did indeed succumb to a gross miscalculation that would mean i just lost my company a wee bundle to the order of ...

Its 3:30. I feel like shit. I'm stressed and hungry. Real bad time to quit. No its not an excuse. I'm just sayin. I'd be fine now if i'd deliberately opted to not go out on a ciggie break. But when you CANT - hell hath no fury like a scorned lung. I feel so....empty. Bereft of my PREEECIOUSSS. I feel like i could use just one more before i quit. Just one more! Would i blamed if i snagged 1? Just to get me through the rest of this tough day... just one teeny weeeny ciggie? Not even a whole one...how about just one drag? huh? Half a drag? Looks like its going to be a long long day.

Nah. Nothing that dramatic. Same ol' me will be doing the same ol' shit. Unless Monday is considered a 'new era'. Nevertheless, there will be one or two improvements around here. For one: Drumroll please, coz: TODAY IS THE DAY I QUIT SMOKING . Yup. Rip off the gas mask and take huge whiff of me as you hum to Kool & the Gang's " she's fresh she's so fresh ..." My fingers WILL twitch, I WILL develop a nervous jerk in withdrawal, but I WILL resist. To the 'quit somking' industry: if you think you're getting a penny off me with your pills, patches, sprays, gums etc, etc...you can pucker up coz you'll be meeting my ass. There's only 1 drug i need, and thats Determination. The reason I'm really driven to quit is i can see how its affecting my health. I used to be so active. I was an athlete. Ok i was 10 and won the potato sack race, but still, I was an athlete dammit. And now i can't even bend over to pick up something i d...

I spent the weekend with my mom who lives about an hour's drive away from me. Apparently some woman recently came to see her to negotiate the terms of my betrothal to her son. Yip, I also thought shit like that faded with the dinosaurs. Thankfully mom was simply bemused by the whole affair, especially since I’ve never seen the guy and the woman doesn’t know me from Adam. Good thing my dad is not around coz he’d have taken the whole thing way too seriously. I would never consider coming out to my mom, much less my dad. They just wouldn’t understand. Hell, I barely understand it myself. I have nightmares of the two families gathered in the living room, debating my worth in cows and goats as we (the hubby-to-be and I) sit meekly in the corner and watch as the drama unfolds. Needless to say, my long overdue nervous breakdown looms ever closer. And when I crack, the proverbial shit is bound to hit the fan.

Happy New Year everyone! Whoohooooo! weeeeeeeeee! wooooooo! Yeah! Okay i'm done. Vac’s over. Hello mind-numbing daily grind. Grad Was exactly as I thought it would be: Zzzzzzzzzzz. I heard some varsities have choirs and performances and stuff. Nope. Not mine. Just an endless string of names periodically interrupted by the shrieking of a neurotic-but-proud mom because apparently cheering loudly just doesn’t cut it. You’ll find it’s not uncommon during grads in SA. Don’t ask - it’s a cultural thing. My dad even signed up one of ‘em moms to screech when my name was called. Christmas Spent Christmas with the family (dad and both brothers) at a friend of my dad’s. Turned out to be even more tedious than grad. I ended up watching soccer on TV the whole time which considerably brightened up my day until one nut job decided the time was ripe to interrupt my viewing in order to show off his musician-wannabe nephew’s homemade music video. At that point I thought maybe I could drink the day ...