Skip to main content

OUCH!!

So I woke up early this morning feeling sexy, feeling scorching HOTTT and wondering why everything smelt like roses on a warm spring day. Normally I would rummage through the pile of clothes on the floor in search of something that doesn’t smell like a putrefying corpse and complete the ensemble with my old but trusted pair of comfy sandals. As it happened, this morning I had a whole hour to prepare for work (1 whole freaking hour!) instead of the customary 20 minute desperate scramble because I over slept yet again.

I located my favourite short funky skirt, my only silk blouse and searched the pile of rubble under the bed for my sexiest piece of shoewear - the new lookatme! lookatme! brownish strappy stiletto I had purchased the other day. Spent more than two minutes on my hair, accessorised and dusted off my only lipstick and eyeliner before applying a generous quantity onto my neglected face. I looked absolutely stunning, if I dare say so myself. I felt stunning, and by gawd was I a sexy little thing and a half.

High-heeled shoes is something only a select few have ever seen on me, so yes, as expected, I did get a few raised eyebrows: "No I’m not seeing anyone. Nope, didn’t get laid recently either". From this promising start, I cannot tell you the precise moment I realised things were not quite working according to plan.

Could it have been the moment I found myself on all fours on the steps leading to my office? Or perhaps it was when broke the heel of one shoe stumbling over some rocks I swear were deliberately placed there to taunt me. Or possibly it was the moment I noticed my sexy gait had somehow transmogrified into a pain-induced stuttering limp.

Its only 11:30am and I'm on my way home to reconsider my footwear selection.

This one thing I know for sure: feeling sexy or not, I will never again be spotted within 5 miles anything above a 1-inch heel.

Comments

Bent Fabric said…
ROFLMAO!! Hehehe

Popular posts from this blog

Paris

I must be missing something because I just don’t seem to get it. Try as I may to partake in the globally shared revulsion for Paris, I’m just not feeling it. I stumbled on yet another blog where the author feels the world would a better place if she was ‘shot into space and left there to die a slow and painful death’. So this begs the question: Why does everyone rag on Paris Hilton? - Could it be her sense of style? No she didint! Is that… *gasp*… the same dress she wore to that thing at that place last month!?! Not only is it REPEATED but also hopelessly OUTDATED! Holy MotherofGod, this must be the end of the world as we know it. So the fluorescent pink top does not go with the lime green mini skirt. Infact it couldn’t possibly go with any colour known to man. Boo-freaking-hoo. Let's line up the firing squad. - Maybe because she’s rich? Selfish bitch. Why didn’t she do the right thing and politely decline her inheritance: No thank you daddy. I would much rather spend my entire lif...

postus interruptus

I’m going on vacation. It’s unreal. It’s going to be so weird to not wake up panic stricken, wondering exactly how late I’m going to be for work that morning. Tomorrow is my last day of work. I won’t be at my desk though because I need to make one last business trip to represent my company at a trade fair on the other side of the country. Then I have to fly back on Sat morning, pack and fly out to Joburg (SA) on Saturday evening. Sunday I’ll be flying to Cape Town in time to pick up my robe on Mon and graduate on Tues. Or is it Wed? Pft. Who cares. Sometime during the week. According to me I’m already a graduate. Been a graduate since I handed in my dissertation and left university in Jan. Only graduating now because they took so bloody long to examine my thesis I couldnt make the June ceremony. To me grad is just a big showdown where people feel special and accomplished, old men wear dresses, photographers hit the jackpot, parents burst with pride and graduants get wasted. Been there,...

The dawn of a new era

Nah. Nothing that dramatic. Same ol' me will be doing the same ol' shit. Unless Monday is considered a 'new era'. Nevertheless, there will be one or two improvements around here. For one: Drumroll please, coz: TODAY IS THE DAY I QUIT SMOKING . Yup. Rip off the gas mask and take huge whiff of me as you hum to Kool & the Gang's " she's fresh she's so fresh ..." My fingers WILL twitch, I WILL develop a nervous jerk in withdrawal, but I WILL resist. To the 'quit somking' industry: if you think you're getting a penny off me with your pills, patches, sprays, gums etc, etc...you can pucker up coz you'll be meeting my ass. There's only 1 drug i need, and thats Determination. The reason I'm really driven to quit is i can see how its affecting my health. I used to be so active. I was an athlete. Ok i was 10 and won the potato sack race, but still, I was an athlete dammit. And now i can't even bend over to pick up something i d...