Divine Miscontent

Yesterday was the day of the dreaded Performance Review Meeting. The ominous face-to-face cross-examination starring my boss. I was immediately consumed by unpleasant visions of what was going to transpire – I’d sit there meekly looking holier than Jesus Himself while he picks me apart: you're always late, you chew with your mouth open and then burp loudly (btw that was ONE time), you definitely need to get some decent clothes and proper shoes and a new personality while you’re at it…in fact you are a disgrace to the respectable Sales profession, the only reason we keep you here is because you dad knows some people in some very high places… He had scheduled half hour sessions the entire day to get through all of us. And I was first. Knowing my boss, there was no way he could tell me everything I'd done wrong in the last 6 months within the allotted 30 minutes. Plus throw in 5 extra minutes for the compulsory "encouraging words" like well, at least you do write neat . ...

This blog is so devoid of visual stimulation so... ta da!!! ENJOY. Don't ask me who these two are. Don't know, don't particularly care. But me likes what they is do! What do i need to do to find myself in similar circumstances? I'm tired of living vicariously as others (YES YOU , not so much you ) recount their sexual escapades. Little kids read this: Don't worry kiddies, its a game of Twister - new rules with elbows and knees - I swear! You just can't see the coloured spots from this angle...

I moved out on Fri. Since then i've been drowning with "friends" coming to "visit" who just wont fucking leave. Like this dude camping out on my couch. I mean it was great to have these guys around to drag in my furniture and stuff. Thank you. Now go. I've only had my crib for a couple hours but I already have crashers i cant get rid of. Why am I so bloody nice?? Can't even masturbate in peace. You know what..screw it. I just need to go home now and tell him to get the fuck out of my house.

So I woke up early this morning feeling sexy, feeling scorching HOTTT and wondering why everything smelt like roses on a warm spring day. Normally I would rummage through the pile of clothes on the floor in search of something that doesn’t smell like a putrefying corpse and complete the ensemble with my old but trusted pair of comfy sandals. As it happened, this morning I had a whole hour to prepare for work (1 whole freaking hour!) instead of the customary 20 minute desperate scramble because I over slept yet again. I located my favourite short funky skirt, my only silk blouse and searched the pile of rubble under the bed for my sexiest piece of shoewear - the new lookatme! lookatme! brownish strappy stiletto I had purchased the other day. Spent more than two minutes on my hair, accessorised and dusted off my only lipstick and eyeliner before applying a generous quantity onto my neglected face. I looked absolutely stunning, if I dare say so myself. I felt stunning, and by gawd was I a...

Is it just me or has blogger started getting copious amounts of spam these days? Its even more annoying because its a really bad attempt at sounding like a real post with their lame text... "This is a really great site. Very enjoyable topic, good choice. I'll bookmark you and pop in once in a while. Please visit my website: instant credit approval ". Oh look, wow. He likes my topic. I think I'll go visit his site now. NOT.

Bear with me, but I have to play the poor miserable girl from Africa card. How else am I going to get what I want? So here goes: I am a minority in at least a hundred different ways. I'm possibly in a special subset of my own: I'm black, female, gay, agnostic (secular humanist) and a paraplegic geek. Ok, I’ll level with you; I’m not really paraplegic. I guess I should be grateful that I’m not handicapped physically or mentally, although my mental capacity is debatable. But with the all whining about unequal rights that goes around these days there MUST be something I could join the bitching posse and be outraged and up in arms about. I should be walking around with a huge chip on my shoulder and I should be feeling marginalised, misrepresented, discriminated against, disempowered, disadvantaged, disenfranchised and a whole lot of dis-whathaveyous. But I’ve been pretty fortunate in my life and I’ve had very little to complain about. I’ve never felt the sharp sting of rejection...

This is not a me!me! It's a mini rant. 3 things that irritated me on the WWW today: Crappy political blogs. Bush sucks. Yes. Now move on. I really don’t care what [insert dubious news source] said about [insert daft leftwing extremist], concerning the [insert exaggerated blown out of proportion something-gate 'scandal']. And since we're all retarded when you quote make sure it is indented, centred, italicised, wrapped in quotation marks and preceded by “And I quote:”, since that’s the only way we can tell it’s a quote. The darn slow Internet. DHL will do a better job transporting my bytes around than my ISP. The fact that I find celebrity gossip blogs like Go Fug Yourself extremely entertaining. Normally, I should tell them they need to stop being so mean and get on with their shallow lives, but I cant. Coz they are just too damn funny. 3 non-internet things that drove me up the wall: My boss. With no warning he...I can't say it... *sob* *sniff* *puke in wastebasket...

I was out of my office for a ciggie break and some air (mutually exclusive?) when this mailman who had come in to drop a parcel proceeded to lecture me on the hazards of smoking. Smoking is bad for your health??? No kidding! This is news to me. He just kept spinning that same old scratched CD about how it’s affecting my ability to procreate and who will want to marry me then… Dude. That’s rich coming from you. Pick your belly off the floor or at least buy a shirt big enough to cover it and wobble back to your undersized scooter. I will quit…one day. But let me worry about the kids I will never have. You are proud of your good health? I’m sorry to burst your bubble but those varicose veins aren’t going to get you past fifty either. Now lay off the beer, give your tiny scooter to your son and go save some other poor sod. In other news... Its been a long time coming but I'm FINALLY moving out from my Aunt's place this weekend (yay!!). I've been fixing up the apartment for the ...